Role Call!

At some point in life we all are put in a position in which we don't feel like we are ready or properly equipped to handle the challenge. If we were prepared for every obstacle we wouldn't have issues in the world. That is apart of growing up though. We all go through it and that is where I am now. I have always led groups whether its been friends or family but since college,I have fallen back off of the leadership role,because I didn't feel like I was ready to lead or I should be the one people turn to with their problems. I felt if I'm going through my own issues how can I possibly help u if I don't have the answers for my own problems. Another part was fear. Fear of my own future,fear or stepping up. I had gradually migrated from a leader to a conformist. My whole life before college I was pushed in the light for my accomplishments, but once college came I only had my own expectations that I was not living up to. I didn't feel like I had control of myself, and I didn't want to see someone fail because of my actions. Recently I have found that inner leadership that has been dormant for 3 years. It all came from me, letting go and letting God take care of my issues if I'm doing everything I can do about it. Another reason has been the number of friends that accept my advice or come to me when they have issues. I guess to them they never hear about my issues or know that I don't dwell long. I don't know the reason behind it,but helping them has helped me re-accept my role. The ways in which I help them,the words I use, the means in which I go make me realize my ability to help has been all due to God blessing me. I'm not perfect by any means and I make mistakes but if my mistakes in the past can prevent a loved one from one in the future then so be it. As I sit here and write this post from Nashville, I reflect back on my relations with my family and friends here. I'm the first grandchild to go to college,I'm the 3rd to graduate high school and I'm the 8th oldest. That bothers me a lot,but I have to keep going for them,because until I complete my goals, they won't see the success of hard work. I got dropout cousins younger than me,cousins in jail,cousins with 3 kids that's my age. I can't judge them because those are the results of their choices. Growing up we were more than cousins,we were raised like brothers and sisters, and that's where I feel like I have to show them. Accept the role of leader. If not me then who. I'm one of the most respected, I'm one of the most responsible, and one of the only ones with a head on straight. Everything I do,is for them,my successes, my failures,everything. I didn't feel I was ready to lead by example but its time for me to do so. My life has been on full display for them as their lives were on display for me. I can't sit back and say I'm too proud but in 5 years.........I will be. Don't run from the roles God bestows on you because if u do you will continue to fail yourself. He wouldn't put us in these positions if he felt we couldn't do it,but the choice is ours to sink or swim. I do this for my whole family from the top to the bottom from Tewanna(the most successful grandchild and oldest) to the youngest, to my "niece/godchild" I love yall, and don't follow in my path because its been a long one but use mines as a blueprint to establish your own. That is what I told my cousins while I am here.We all fail,but we learn from those failures to help ourselves out and to help others. This role is new to me and I'm sure I will stumble but I won't stop until God's plan for me is finished. Taking the hard roads will lead us to realization of the limits we have and how to exceed them.